Thursday, July 9, 2015

Where Have I Been?

Well let me take up a bit of space here and enlighten everyone. It's been two months and a day since my last post and there have been a few complaints from family members about the lack of updates. Sincerely, thank you to those that have complained it has helped motivate me.

So anyway, there are primarily three reasons behind the lack of posts: time, guilt and anger. Please indulge me as I take a few paragraphs and dig into each one of these words a bit deeper.

Guilt. This is a tough one. A few weeks ago my Aunt Donna (Mom's sister in-law) passed away. Aunt Donna had always been my favorite aunt and I spent a great deal of time at her house while growing up. She always made great food and there wasn't one mean bone in her body. Since moving Mom down here she called every couple of weeks to check on Mom and we always spent a few minutes talking about the farm and family. So where does the guilt fit in? Well I just have a hard time writing about the idiosyncrasies, trials, and tribulations of being a caregiver when my cousins just lost their Mother and mine is still here. 

Rest In Peace Aunt Donna. I miss you!

Time. Where does the time go? If you read the past posts about the in-home caregivers coming to visit Mom, you know it wreaked havoc with her. In fact, Mom hasn't been close to the same physically or mentally since. 

The first year Mom lived with us, she needed little supervision and that gave me several hours daily for doing reviews. The second year, Mom would get up fairly consistently around 9:00 am, eat, sleep two to three hours, eat again and follow the same pattern all day. This schedule also gave me nice blocks of time each day to work on reviews. It actually allowed me to do nearly 400 reviews over the last year. 

Today, you never know when Mom will get up. It could be 5:30 AM or noon. She may go back to bed after eating and stay there for a brief five minutes or a lengthy five hours. Some days she just stays up all day or all night. It's just crap shoot now and there is no time to do uninterrupted reviews. I tried three times over the weekend to smoke a cigar and all three times she was out of bed within minutes of lighting up. Plus now when she is up she requires constant supervision or she is into everything. 

The final reason, anger! I poured my heart and soul into my cigar blog. Everyone I talked to about advertising told me get up it to 10,000 monthly pageviews and attracting advertisers would be a breeze. Well I doubled that amount of traffic to 20,000 for two months and couldn't land one advertiser. Even those that said they'd advertise at 10,000 backed out. I let that break  my spirit and take away my drive. 

But there was a bit more to it. Integrity in today's business world seems to be lost and integrity is a big deal to me. There were many companies that solicited my help to manage social media, do custom blogging or reviews, then backed out at the last minute and others failed to send the products they had asked me to review. Then they wonder why they can't get ahead. Even in today's world-wide market, you will run out of customers eventually if you deal out bad products or poor service.

As a side note, I may be a bit slow right now, but I will honor my commitments. It's who I am and what I do. 

With that said, that phase is over. I love to write and I miss it. But at the same time being a shut-in-caregivers is getting to me so I'm looking for a management or social media job with a small company. One that is open minded enough to utilize my 30 years of business management experience. I'm an observer, I look at operations in every business visit and always see ways to make the business more profitable. But as I've ran into in the past is, what 25 year old manager will hire someone with more experience than they have years? None. LOL They pushed the "Easy" button and already know everything. But on the bright side, I have smoked a couple cigars and will be writing the reviews today or tomorrow. 

Okay, let's move on to Mom. I've already explained a bit of the day-to-day function she now has, or doesn't have, but there's lots more to it. It's now rare for her to know who I am--the last two days she's walked by a piece of mail that's addressed to me and asked, "where's Dan." I always say "right here", and it makes her smile once it sinks in. 

The biggest ongoing problem is her car and diving. Every day, well multiple times every day, she looks out the back window and see's the neighbors new SUV's parked in their driveway. She then informs me that they stole her car and she is going to get it back. I don't understand that logic or emotion i guess, since her car was a 30 year old white, POS, Chrysler. How she can confuse them is beyond me. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism of her dementia, perhaps not. Yesterday when I explained that her car was sold since she can't drive and she kept going out in the middle of the night trying to leave, she became very angry. She asked where her money was and just who was it that decided she can't drive. After explaining all that again, she said, "you should have just killed me". At that point I chuckled and segwayed to a different topic and that was that. That time. 

Well there are the last two months in a nutshell. Perhaps I shared to much, perhaps not enough. I guess that's for you to decide. I hope you enjoyed the read and have a great day!

Oh, the lilly in the picture. It's a transplant from home and that's the first bloom they produced. Seeing that made me happy today.


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