Sunday, July 13, 2014

Why ask Why: How Can You Do This?

This started as a question from Kel. How can I be a care giver for my Mom. Well, I can explain it, but it will be drawn-out and go in circles a time or two.

Actually taking care of Mom isn't that rough. The worst part is the feeling like you are trapped or in jail because you really can't leave her alone, there are weeks I only leave the house once and only for a couple of hours, and the fact I no longer sleep. This may seem odd, but "today" (i.e. the last few months), Mom has been easier to get along with than any time during my life.

The first few months after moving her were pretty rough at times. When we first moved her she had enough brain function and memory left to believe nothing was wrong with her and that she belonged at home. Everyone that knows her, knows that couldn't happen, but she has always been the boss and done things "her way". She also could remember how to push  my buttons and boy, she did it on a daily basis. Many times she told me she was the parent and I was to do as she wish. Mainly this was over driving or going home since she had stayed long enough.

With that being said, let's take a step back in time. Growing up, Mom was good mother, but life at home was like being in Marine boot camp until the day I moved out. You did what she said, when she said it and just how you were told to do it, or you paid the price. Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't fun, but I developed into a pretty decent person. At least I think so. Perhaps I expect to much from people sometimes, but I can be fair and negotiate; most of the time.

So now, I just take care of her, some days she knows me, some days she doesn't have a clue who I am. But I know she is being well cared for here. She's treated with respect, dignity and honest compassion, all the things she may not get in a nursing home.

However, the biggest reason I do this is; I watched what it did to my Dad when grandma went to a nursing home with Alzheimer's and I promised him that wouldn't happen to him or Mom if I could help it. Dad didn't make it long enough to need care, his heart finally gave up eleven years ago, but I am honoring my promise and it makes me feel good to do that.


Post a Comment